Your Farts Can Start Hurricanes
Are you the type to blame your accidental toot on your 4 year old son in the grocery line, or the one that can rip a 10/10 juicy fart at any moment perfectly on cue? I am the kind that attempts to fart as discretely as possible but not surprised or ashamed when thaaaat doesn’t work out. (which is a lot) -“Its ok, I don’t eat meat!” I say with a smirk as I leave the lucky common people with the wonderful aroma of my stomach.
What’s so wrong about farts? If this is making you uncomfortable or bringing shameful flashbacks, its time for you to FACE YOUR FART. Let’s start with what F.A.R.T. stands for?
Ok, perfect. Now that you understand what it is it, lets talk history. According to the Yellow Spirit history books, fart shaming started in 1888. The same year deodorant was commercialized and used in commoners homes. A massive “stop natural body odors” campaign flooded the western world. Since then, burping, bad breath, and B.O. was banned. What a world we live in. Back in the primal dating days, body odor attracted your mate. I put a hundred bucks that the divorce rate was lower than 50% back then. When I’m in love, I loooove all the funky smells of my partner. You’re not truly in love if that morning breath whispering sweet things doesn’t make you want to jump their bones.
Most americans are raised to not only be ashamed, but to SHAME! The world conditions you to put others down for letting their natural smells be. I used to be a fart shamer… Then my dad taught me thats it’s totally natural! He always farted so proudly and I thought, “Man… I wanna be like that one day.” There’s nothing like a dad fart. He used to think it was funny to wait till my sister and I were perfectly in range (two steps behind him on the stairs) and fart like he was auditioning for the voice. Then start running up the stairs laughing, trapping us behind him, continuing to fart with every step. I would scream, “My eyes!!” And my little sister Bela would scream, “My mouth was open!” Hahahaa nothing like some good ol’ family bonding!
For the purpose of my intense fight to stop fart shaming, I am sitting in a coffee shop in Honolulu, and I just farted..
I didn’t apologize, I didn’t deny it, I honestly don’t know if it was loud because I have headphones on. It smelled good, so I know I’m feeding my body good things. Being an open farter has changed my life. It has taught me to laugh at myself and be honest. It has taught me to not be ashamed for being a fucking human. My yellow spirit advice of the day is to Liberate yourself…
FART IN PUBLIC !!!
DONT WEAR DEO FOR THE B.O. IT CAUSES CANCER. !!!
Ok don’t quote me on the cancer part, its just a part of my propaganda… but it probably does give you cancer… Holding your farts prob does too. Before I start making a list of fake fart causing cancers, I’m out!
Hope you enjoy your first no-shame public fart with my first no shame public post.